Love

5 Things Women Stop Doing When They Get Comfortable — That Turn Guys Off

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couple eating breakfast

Men, can't live with 'em, and yet we keep on trying. 

That's the goal though, right? To meet a man, to fall in love with that man, and ideally, to build a life together with that man.

It sounds easy enough, but it feels like there are so many things that can go wrong and so many of them sneak up on even the most experienced daters among us. 

One of the big perils of relationships is when you start to get comfortable. Oh sure, it's great that the two of you made it past that awkward nerve-wracking phase of courtship in a relationship and answered the questions of "are we a couple" with a great big "yep," but now what? 

When we start to get comfortable in our relationships, we can adopt certain behaviors that can drive our men away from us even knowing about it. 

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I still kinda think that a man I dated dumped me because I once peed with the door open while whistling. True story. 

So, what do men think when you get comfortable, and could it be hurting your chances of a successful long-term relationship?

I interviewed a few men I know (who have asked to remain anonymous) and together we came up with this list of five things men really do feel that answer the immortal question "What do men think when women get comfortable enough in a relationship." 

Here are 5 things women stop doing when they get comfortable — that turn guys off:

1. Wearing pajamas constantly

Look, we get it. He's never had to wear a bra all day, or shoes that pinch in a terrible way. He doesn't understand how uncomfortable you feel by the time you get home. 

And yeah, it's not fair that he wants you to be all dolled up with a full face of makeup whenever he gets to see you, and I'm in no way, shape, or form saying that you should do that! 

But there's a happy medium between your full face of makeup paired with fancy work clothes and that pair of pajama bottoms you bought at a gas station in college that literally has holes in the a** from too much sitting.

It doesn't need to be every day, but keeping your work duds on for a while or changing into a favorite pair of jeans and a cozy tee shirt can let him know that you want to look your best for him.

"It makes me sound like a patriarchy-loving monster," said one anonymous man I interviewed. "But when she tosses her hair up and puts on boxers the second she sees me, it can make me feel like she doesn't really care." 

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2. Watching too much TV

I get it, we're in the second golden age of television, there is something great on every single day of the week! 

And, once you have determined the relationship and decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend, the pressure is off to a certain extent! But that doesn't mean you now have the right to sit inside together staring blankly at the TV every single night of the week.

While a night at home making out, eating pizza, and watching Chopped is just dandy, your dude still wants to go out and experience new things with you! 

"If I wanted to get high and watch TV all and not talk I would move back into my frat," said an anonymous man. 

Life doesn't stop when a relationship starts, mi amors, it has only just begun! Don't get stuck in a couch slump with your guy!

3. How you argue

This is a phase that every couple has to get through if they hope to make it into a long-term relationship. 

Love your dude? Want to make things work? Then you have to stop fighting the way you did before you knew he was in this thing for real. 

That means when you're upset about something, you have to tell him. It might not always be easy, and he might not say the right thing, but at least you'll be having a real argument instead of passive-aggressively walking on eggshells around each other. 

"It's important to fight well. If she doesn't fight well and express what's on her mind, we're stuck in that game-playing stage of when you just start talking to someone," said an anonymous man.

And trust me, no one wants to be stuck in that for all time. 

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4. How you express affection

When the two of you started dating you probably gave him lots of passionate kisses. 

You probably texted him throughout the day just to let him know you care.

Now when you text him throughout the day, it's to remind him to make sure to pick up the dry cleaning and those frozen peas you need for the Pinterest recipe you're trying. 

You can still assign household responsibilities AND sext that dude a pic of your boobs. 

Stability doesn't have to mean an end to the sexual side of your relationship. In fact, one of the great things about being in a long-term relationship is finding all of the different ways your love for each other can manifest positively in a day-to-day way! 

5. How you treat his friends

When you first start dating a guy, you don't even take the time to consider whether or not you like his friends, all that matters is that THEY like YOU.

But now you're in, you're dating, you've got that proverbial brass ring, and unfortunately, that sometimes means you can treat his friends differently than you did when the two of your first started dating.

I'm not saying you treat the guys like garbage, but not inviting them to the house yourself or joining the boys for a beer every once in a while sends a message, and that message is: I don't think you matter to my dude.

Believe me, he notices, and they notice for sure. 

Don't be fake, but do make an effort to the best of your ability. Relationships are all about challenging ourselves and growing in ways we never thought possible! I say this as a woman who has officially played more than one game of Dungeons and Dragons.

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Rebecca Jane Stokes is a freelance writer and the former Senior Editor of Pop Culture at Newsweek with a passion for lifestyle, geek news, and true crime.

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