Love, Self

The 6 Toxic Mistakes Women Make That Keep Them Single

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6 Toxic Mistakes You Make That Are Keeping You Single

So, you are single and your friends tell you that you are great! You are beautiful, educated, and have a great job. What you don’t have is a partner to share it with and you don’t why.

As a matchmaker, I know why and your friends really know why. If any of them dare be honest with you though, the toxic tirade that would be unleashed would be unbearable; the fallout from such a revelation would never be forgiven.

What a price to pay for a dose of honesty that you desperately needed. That’s not what they signed up for when they became your friend.

You talk to your shrink, but they only see you for 45 minutes a week and have no idea what you are like in the wild. The therapist only gets your one sided perspective and they are as baffled as you are about your dating dilemmas.

The good news is that there is hope. Maybe you will spot yourself in this mess. If not, ask a few friends to tell you anonymously what your problem is and I am sure it would be extremely revealing. Regardless, a little self-awareness can go a long way.

Trust me when I say that sometimes, you don’t need a matchmaker, but you do need a dating intervention!

These 6 toxic behaviors are the reasons why you're single (still!) and you need to change them...stat!

1. You never stop talking about your ex and how he did you wrong. 

Maybe he did and maybe he didn’t. Do yourself a favor and move on though. We all have friends like you. It’s sad. Some people never see their fault in the breakup or even their fault in how they handled the breakup.

I do believe that it doesn’t take two to make a marriage go bad. It only takes one that wants out for whatever reason. You might have been wronged. You have to move on, no matter what happened.

I had a lady whine and cry to me 5 years after the divorce when her ex bought a beach house for his girlfriend and her 5 children. She made no sense. She was such a victim. I wouldn’t match her. What man wants to hear that whining? Seriously, you need to get past it.

Life goes on without you. Figure it out, get help, and find happiness. He wasn’t the last man on earth. This also goes for the women who can’t get over their ex-boyfriends. There is an expiration on how long you can whine and new men don’t want to hear it.

REAL TALK: 7 Questions You MUST Ask Yourself After A Breakup So You Can Move On

2. You talk to our friends and let them over analyze, pick apart, criticize, sabotage, and destroy any chance of a relationship with a new guy.

Sometimes, we didn’t even ask for their opinion. Your friends bring their own drama, their own hang-ups, and relationships problems and then project them onto you. Only you know what is going on for sure.

Don’t let them stand in the way of your happiness. They aren’t there every minute. Stop being so wishy-washy and trust your own feelings on the subject of the new guy. No wonder you are single of you don’t.

Sorting through all your friends’ opinions and emotions becomes a part-time job. You need to be able to make your own decisions, draw your own conclusions, and change your own destiny. That’s really empowering.

3. You think you deserve a certain type of man that has nothing to do with good qualities necessary in relationships.

You might see yourself in this behavior, so you have been warned this is toxic behavior and now you know you are making this terrible mistake. I get sick of hearing, "He has to look great on paper."

You are a career woman who is highly educated and you deserve the same you rationalize. Maybe you are some gorgeous model and you think that allows you to buy up in the world. I hear it all the time.

You deserve to be treated well, cared for, loved, and have someone in the world want to commit to you, and many other things, but nowhere does it say he must be good on paper and make a certain amount of money to be happy and fall in love.

Your finances and career need to look good on paper, but that’s it!

4. You pick him apart and compare him to all the other guys you dated. 

Maybe the guys you dated were even great relationships from your past, but where are they now? If that relationship was so great for you, you wouldn’t be single now, would you?

I hear it all the time: "My last boyfriend bought me blah blah blah for my birthday, he was so generous, and we traveled and got along so well. He really knew how to treat me."

It might be so, but he didn’t want to make that commitment to you, so he is gone. Do you really want him to be the one that all others are compared to? I think you should knock off all the comparisons.

5. You are Daddy’s little princess and no one can compare to your father.

Comparisons again. So, we all supposedly marry our fathers and mothers. Some would say, good or bad, that’s where our type comes from. You've heard of the momma’s boy? Well, you just might be daddy’s girl and everything he does, you compare to what daddy does for you.

Daddy needs to butt out the same way his mother does, but you need to get over your daddy too. Daddy didn’t really treat mommy like a princess and idolize her either. It’s all in your head. They had a real relationship with all the ups and downs that come with it. It seems to me Daddy’s little princess never sees it.

Come to think of it, maybe you just act like a princess, too, and you need to get over it. As a matchmaker, women actually request men that will treat them like a princess and mean this in a toxic sense. It’s okay to be treated extremely well but princess territory is getting delusional.

RELATED: 6 BRUTAL Ways To Tell If 'Daddy Issues' Are KILLING Your Love Life

6. You are the demanding career woman in the romance department. 

You are your own worst enemy. You complain and bitch about everything under the sun. Matchmakers see you coming and hide. No, our list isn’t really full. We know you when we answer the phone. You are so demanding and offended by our advice. We pick up and you demand to know our prices and tell us immediately what you need.

I know what you need and it isn’t a man. It’s an attitude adjustment. You need to learn to be kind, nice, and respectful of the people you come in contact with. Those behaviors work in the boardroom but not the bedroom.

Men don’t want to date you. Most people want to run off immediately because everyone is looking for a little caring and a soothing place to kick off their shoes. Take it down a few notches.

Susan Trombetti is a matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking. You can also join her on Monday nights at 8pm EST for LoveTalk with Susan and asks dating questions. Sign up here for her free LoveTalk with Susan webinar series on Mondays at 8pm EST. 

Watch YourTango Experts Charles Orlando and Lisa Steadman discuss the real reason why you're still single.

This article was originally published at Exclusive Matchmaking. Reprinted with permission from the author.