The Incredibly Sad Reasons Why So Many Men Hire Sex Workers Just To Talk

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man and woman in bed
Sex

Here’s the truth: Sex workers are the oldest professionals on the planet.

Scientists taught capuchin monkeys the concept of money. Very soon a monkey realized that if she could not get money from the scientist she could get it quicker by providing sex for another monkey.

Sex is a basic need for the continuation of all species in the animal kingdom. But, more than sex, creatures need to communicate and connect.

The physical act of sex is a physical connection, while communication and connection are psychological acts. If you look deeper into the hierarchy of needs in relation to one another, emotional needs stack higher than they physical kind.

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Why do men pay for sex workers just to talk to them?

1. Talking to a stranger is often easier than someone familiar.

Humans are social animals. Even introverts need to communicate and connect. It's often easier to unload your problems onto strangers than onto friends and loved ones. 

I have had total strangers walk up to me since I was 12 and talk to me about their troubles. I reached my adult height at that age. This happened mostly at bus stops, on bus or train rides, and even on flights or in waiting rooms.

Even in the age of earphones and smartphones, someone sitting next to me often longs to share either life stories or something that's been on their mind.

Don’t you love to be heard and not be judged?

Men love to talk and connect as much as women do. But when it comes to sharing and connecting, men often find it hard to do with other men.

They can discuss sports, hobbies, projects, and travel, but when it comes to getting personal, they fear being judged by their friends.

At times, even extroverted men find it challenging to talk about the deep stuff. Sex workers are ideally positioned for such men to pour their hearts out.

This is also true for many people across genders in high-profile positions. Vulnerability comes at a price. It's often an unknown trait for people in positions of societal power. They fear losing their position either as the head of the family, community, corporation, or state.

2. Some men feel like they can't go to therapy.

In many homes and cultures, visiting a therapist is taboo.

Some of the common beliefs include "You go to a therapist when you're crazy," "Only weak people need a therapist to talk about their problems," or "In our family, there's no history of mental illness."

Some people feel that when you have a strong family or friends to bond with, you don't need therapy because your loved ones are there for you.

This pressurizes men even more to find an emotional outlet. To them, a therapist feels like a person in a place of power who has the ability to judge them.

The power balance is reversed when a client pays a sex worker, and oftentimes men are likely more comfortable when they feel in charge, especially when it comes to vulnerable internal issues. 

Also, many men fear that a visit to the therapist, even if covered by insurance, might show up in medical history, and their employer might know of it, and this might hurt their masculine image. A rendezvous with a sex worker feels ironically less complicated.

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3. A therapist is a person of authority while a sex worker isn’t.

Many hesitate to visit a therapist because that might mean admitting to a weakness or maybe even a mental illness. There's also an assumption that a therapist might want someone to work on their issues and they simply refuse to believe that they have any.

They think that all they need is someone to talk to. The sad thing is, maybe that's true. 

A therapist might try to control the conversation, record and report the conversation if needed in the future. Instead, a sex worker feels like a sibling or a close friend. You meet her someplace outdoors and spend time sharing your soul and it feels right.

They can feel like a low-stakes, less threatening option than a partner, a therapist, or a family member.

One thing is guaranteed, a sex worker will never bring up the stories you share in public or use them against you.

This makes sex workers easier to talk to and confide in. 

4. A sex worker can be a confidante to the lonely.

Men with no one to talk to can visit a sex worker whenever they need to.

It’s like visiting your best friend and pouring your heart out, so you feel better after the conversation.

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It’s not about having sex. The man has a wife or partner, but where does he go to talk about his troubles, to feel heard and not judged or interrogated?

Wives and girlfriends generally deal with their issues by talking to sisters and friends, or by going to therapy.

5. Partners can often get stuck when it comes to deeply personal issues. 

They talk about important stuff like children and finances, but struggle to talk about matters of the heart.

Men can talk to sex workers about their frustrations and disappointments surrounding their marriage, home, work, and anything else that weighs them down.

At times, they might be thinking that they love their partner too much and don’t want to add to her troubles by talking about theirs.

What happens when a man pays for sex just to talk?

Often, sex workers help men find their way back home to their wife or partner and their family.

A sex worker is not emotionally enmeshed with his or her client. This helps them remain objective and not develop expectations of the outcome of their client’s situations.

Think of the time of courtesans. They were beautiful, highly educated women who wielded a lot of power and were an integral part of society.

Every powerful nation that had a court also had a special place in their society for courtesans.

Men consorted with courtesans in important decisions and the relationship wasn’t all about sex. And it isn't today, either. 

Why do men pay for sex when all they want to do is talk? From social, cultural, and gender norms, there are multiple reasons why men feel safer with a sex worker than a therapist or loved one. 

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Keya Murthy is a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, a Spiritual Life Coach, and an Energy Medicine Teacher-Practitioner at the Ventura Healing Center. She's a number one international best-selling author and her books are available anywhere books are sold.