Love

The 3 Main Reasons Men Lose Interest (And How To Get It Back)

Photo: cferdophotography / Unsplash
why men lose interest

Connecting with a guy can be one of the greatest feelings in the world. That feeling when the two of you are so close that hours just slip by can be amazing.

But what can be truly devastating is when a man pulls away, gets distant, and frankly loses interest — whether that happens over time or seemingly overnight.

As a relationship coach, I speak to many men (and women) who fall victim to common behaviors that cause the demise of their relationships. Often, if you are aware of what causes a man to pull away, you can repair your relationship before it's too late. 

RELATED: 7 Signs He's Acting Like A Jerk To Hide Deep Emotions

Here are the 3 main reasons why men lose interest in a relationship  and how to get it back — from a relationship coach who knows. 

1. He doesn’t think he can please you

Oftentimes a man loses interest when the woman he loves complains too much, especially about him.

Many women complain as an attempt to communicate or connect. Sometimes they complain in an attempt to gain a sense of control (often because they feel out of control in another area of their lives).

However, to a man, this sort of complaining comes across as his own personal failure to please you or to make you happy. And if nothing he does is good enough for you, then why should he keep trying?

Men lose interest when they feel defeated and trapped in a no-win situation.

The way to fix this is to switch from complaining to focusing instead on what you want.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with speaking your truth and voicing your concerns. However, most women do it in a way that is focused on the problem, rather than on what they actually want instead.

This is the difference between a cold and off-putting, “Don’t touch me that way!” and a warm and inviting, “I just want you to hold me close so that I can feel your warmth.”

It’s the difference between essentially telling a man that you don’t want him around at all and inviting him to share a warm and intimate evening with you.

RELATED: 7 Reasons Why Men Ghost Women (& What To Do When It Happens To You)

2. He Doesn’t Feel Safe to Be Himself Around You

The next reason that a man loses interest is because he simply doesn’t feel safe being vulnerable with you.

This is often caused by high expectations, judgmental behavior, or otherwise trying to force him into being a certain way that is anything other than who he naturally is.

When you take this kind of stance with a man, interacting with you will feel about as inviting as walking face-first into a sticker bush. Probably not something many, aside from the truly masochistic, would volunteer to do.

RELATED: 15 Men Share The Biggest Problems In Their Romantic Relationships

The solution here is radical acceptance

When you are not emotionally accepting of him as he is, and instead want him to be something that he isn’t (or he thinks you want him to be something he isn’t), he will pull away out of fear of being judged or letting you down.

Emotional acceptance is about being a “yes” to him however he is (as long as he is not abusive in any way). 

This of course, doesn’t mean that you’re simply a doormat. You can want things in life, but until you’re a “yes” to what is actually in front of you in the moment, it will all come from a place of resisting and being a “no” to reality.

RELATED: How To Get Your Man To Chase You (No Matter How Long You've Been Together)

3. He Has Other Things Going on in His Life

Another reason that men lose interest is because they simply have other priorities in their lives that need to be taken care of.

Deadlines at work, family drama, and tax returns often fall into this category. The way men work is that their attention goes toward what is the “highest priority” thing in his life. And for better or worse, you will not always be at the top of that list.

When he is going through a difficult time, his focus will naturally go toward what is the most pressing thing he has to deal with.

When this happens, you don’t want to try to compete for his attention.

That’s just going to make him feel as if he needs to choose between taking care of his sick parent (as an example) and you. And let me tell you, even if you “win,” he’ll still end up resenting you in the long run for putting him in that situation.

Instead, in these sorts of situations, the best approach is to simply be supportive rather than competing for his attention.

Supporting him through difficult times will show him that you are on his side. Plus, when he gets things under control again, he’ll remember who had his back, and he’ll be much more likely to deepen his commitment and relationship with you.

RELATED: Why Men Pull Away (And How To Make It Stop)

Clay Andrews is a relationship coach and founder of Attract the One. He specializes in helping people repair, save and build relationships.

Sign up for YourTango's free newsletter!