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Trans Man Asks If He Was Wrong For Refusing To Wear Dress To Friend’s Wedding When His Fiancee Insisted

Photo: galka3250 / Shutterstock 
Wedding dress, wedding suit

An 18-year-old man took to Reddit to share his story of a falling out he had with his friend's fiance over what he planned to wear to their wedding.

The man, who is transgender, sparked a feud with his friend’s fiance when he refused to wear a dress to their wedding. 

His friend’s fiance told him to wear a dress or don’t come to the wedding. 

RELATED: Man Asks If He Was Wrong For Walking Out Of Wedding After Bride Used His Trans Son’s ‘Deadname’

The man shared his story on the subreddit thread, “r/AmItheA–hole” (AITA), seeking the opinion of other users regarding the situation and wondering if he was wrong to refuse. 

Users had the choice of giving him a “You’re the A–-hole” (YTA) rating if they believed that he was wrong or a “Not the A--hole” (NTA) rating if they thought he was not.

The bride asked the trans man to wear a dress to the wedding, despite his discomfort.

The argument over the wedding attire began after the man sent his friend, the groom, and his fiance a picture of the outfit he planned to wear. 

His friend’s fiance got back to him and told him that he couldn’t wear a suit and tie to the event. 

“At first I assumed she meant that they wanted the men to be in tuxedos, so I asked her what colour she wanted it as I don’t own one and don’t want to buy something for me to not be able to wear it,” the man wrote.

After not receiving a response from his friend’s fiance after a week, he followed up with her.

She replied that he could not wear a suit or a tuxedo to the wedding.

RELATED: Woman Wonders If She Is Wrong For Not Telling Family Friends Her Daughter Is Transgender

Confused by what she meant, the man asked her what she wanted him to wear. 

She stated that she “wants the woman to wear dresses.” 

“I presumed she thought I was coming with a girlfriend and so I told her I’m not with anyone so it will just be me,” the man wrote. 

She replied back, saying “are you thick or something?! You! I was talking about you! You are a girl whether you like it or not! You will be wearing a dress to my wedding or you will not be coming!” 

The man felt extremely hurt by his friend's fiance, so he talked to his friend about it. 

His friend told him that he had already spoken with his fiance and wanted to “please” her and asked the man if he minded “sucking it up just this once?” 

The man told his friend that since he identifies as a male, he would come to the wedding dressed as one, so he would not be wearing a dress. 

The groom showed his fiance the response, and the fiance fired back at the man, asking him “why he had to make such a big deal” and that it was “one day.” 

When the man refused to back down, his friend’s fiance instructed him not to come to the wedding

“I want to see my friend get married and he wants me there so I will be going in a suit if she likes it or not,” the man concluded his post. 

Many Redditors declared the man "NTA." 

They believed he had the right to attend the wedding in whatever attire he felt comfortable with. 

“NTA. Your gender shouldn't even be part of the conversation. You should be able to wear whatever makes you comfortable. Is she going to deny admittance to Aunt Margaret if she chooses to wear a pant suit?” one user commented. 

Others criticized the man’s friend and his fiance’s transphobic attitudes toward him. 

“NTA please stay away from them. They don't accept who you are don't try to please them just because of their special day. If they really want 'you' at there then they have to accept you wearing a suit,” another user wrote. 

The man updated the thread, saying that his friend had talked to him since sharing his story and wanted him to come to the wedding, but the man said he didn't feel comfortable attending the wedding with people who treated him like his friend’s fiance did.

RELATED: Bride Says Custom Gift Is Not Enough, Guests Must Bring A Gift From The Registry To Attend The Wedding

Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships. 

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