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Hint: don't ever tell us to calm down.
By Isis Nezbeth — Written on Nov 15, 2017
“Women are emotional creatures.”
How many times have we heard that, ladies?
I, for one, have heard it several times before. Hearing that phrase used to upset me, but then I finally let reality set in. We are emotional creatures. Women are beautiful, flawed, fearless, emotional creatures. I used to be extremely guilty of acting like certain things didn’t bother me when they really did and the more I learn from my recovery and therapy, the more I see how frequently I did it.
You may agree to disagree, but here are a few things women swear we aren’t bothered by, but we really are. Let’s get into it!
1. Being friend-zoned.
Rejection sucks. Period. It doesn’t seem to happen all that often in my experience, but I can definitely recall a couple times where I was friend-zoned. We’re cool AF now but at the time… I was pissed. It wasn’t being friend-zoned that made me upset though, it was the makings of the chick I was friend-zoned for. Even though I said I understood, I was definitely upset about it!
2. Not being introduced properly.
Nothing hurts like thinking you’re something to someone special that you’re not. The moment of truth usually presents itself when it’s time for someone to introduce you to a close friend or family member of theirs. Although we may not show it at the time you introduce us, you’re going to catch an earful sooner or later if that introduction doesn’t include all the necessary attributes and details of the relationship. In other words, if y’all are having sex and spending time together, “friend” is NOT the right introduction.
3. Sexual rejection.
Sure, we act like being turned down for sex doesn’t bother us, but let’s face it girls… that’s a damn lie. We all want to feel desired. Nothing puts your fire out like really being in the mood and he’s not up for fooling around–or at least not with you. That hurts even worse. It’s an emotional upset. That kind of rejection can put a huge hurt on the ego. Although he could just be tired, often times we make up ten other (much worse) ideas about why we were just sexually rejected. Either way, we act unbothered, but sexual rejection definitely bothers most of us.
4. Brutal honesty.
Listen. You cannot — I repeat — CANNOT just lay your brutal honesty on the table even if she swears she won’t get upset because she will. If she cares even just a pebble-sized amount… she’s going to blow TF up if your “honesty” isn’t the honesty she wants to hear. She might not blow up at you, but someone somewhere is going to have to encounter this ticking time-bomb of a female you just created with your honesty. Don’t do it. I’m not saying don’t tell her the truth, but brutal honesty is the wrong answer! There is a right and a wrong way to say everything.
5. Not soliciting the proper reactions when we are upset.
Once women are upset, we expect the people around us to respond with the proper reactions, especially in a relationship. We want our anger to be respected and we want to know that you care that we are upset. If we can’t solicit any emotion out of you while we are upset, I guarantee you we will instantly assume that you do not care. We will assume you don’t care about us or the situation. Dramatic, but true! I have no idea why that is, but I definitely believe it to be true!
6. Telling us to “calm down.”
It’s not just women, but it definitely gets us fired up being told to “calm down” when we are (barely ) acting up. I’m not sure what makes other women upset about this, but for me–I’m a control freak. I hate feeling like I’m not in control, especially of my own emotions. The other thing that makes me upset about being told to calm down is the underestimation of my level of mad. If I’m at a healthy level 4, don’t piss me off by assuming and telling me I’m at an aggressive level 8, okay?
7. Social media behavior.
I could honestly write an entire article on the things you do to upset her through your social media that she will probably deny for all eternity, but for now, I’ll let you know about a couple for now. She doesn’t want to see you ‘liking’ and commenting another woman’s picture. She doesn’t want to see you adding women. She doesn’t want to see a woman DM you (and you better not dare try to DM another woman). She better not see you post a picture of another woman aside from family. And the BIG one that will probably always be denied is not sharing her picture or giving her permission to share photos that you two have taken together.
8. Subliminal messages.
A lot of times when sh*t hits the fan or trouble arises in paradise, people have a tendency to be petty. This means subliminal messages around social media… and all I have to say to that is “boy, don’t you dare…”
9. Lazy listening.
Women naturally hate being ignored. The only thing worse than being ignored is a lazy listener. This is the person who gives you the generic “oh ok” or “wow, that’s crazy” response to give off the illusion that they are actually listening to what you’re saying. To be honest, for me, it isn’t the fact that you’re not listening that is upsetting. It’s the fact that something else is occupying your mind instead of me and my problems. Again, call me Petty Betty, but it’s true.
10. Being put on the back burner–for anything.
Yes. It’s selfish, but like I said we are flawed. As much as I wish it didn’t, taking the second seat to things really is upsetting. It’s like Quincy felt in Love & Basketball when Monica didn’t break curfew to be emotionally supportive to him when he needed her. Although her reasoning was legit, it hurt him a lot. This is how we work. We can say it doesn’t hurt us all day, but we want to be a priority in the lives of others. When you feel placed on the back burner it releases a feeling of disappointment and neglect and ain’t nobody got time for that!
This article was originally published at The Goddess Column. Reprinted with permission from the author.