How To Keep Things Hot At Home

couple making out in bed

As a mom and a sex educator, I get asked a lot of sex questions my friends wouldn't dare ask their own moms. Here are my 10 tips for keeping things hot and spicy even when life may be dishing out cold and bland.

1. Express Yourself
Talk and learn about what you like. Don't expect to get it right away, but be patient. Ask what your partner enjoys. If you are not together, send little love notes or questions via e-mail or text that he can read on breaks. If he tells you that you text too much (whoops!), give him a call and leave a sexy message. If you don't want to talk about your fantasies yet, write them down for yourself. Words are incredibly sexy, you may find ways to use them like this mom did!

2. Listen
When your lover talks about what he enjoys, or what he did today, or what he is passionate about, pay attention. Put down your smart phone, stop multitasking and stop going over your mental to-do list. I've noticed that my lover pays excellent attention when I tell him about my wants and needs. It feels so good to have someone care enough to listen and hear your thoughts and desires.

3. Be Present
When you are together, stay in the moment—don't let your mind wander too far from what is important and where you are. When your mind is wandering, it seems like you are not paying attention or interested in your partner. If you are distracted, let him know so he will not take your inattention personally.

4. Don't Make Assumptions
Try not to project your thoughts or insecurities on your partner. Ask about his feelings and wait for an answer. If you're in the habit of finishing each other's sentences, stop!

5. Touch
Touch is insanely powerful; this is something massage therapists, moms and sensory junkies all agree on. If your partner enjoys your touch, explore and experiment! Steal a quick kiss on a cheek or neck, hold hands for a moment, rub his feet or have him scratch your back. Touch yourself; put a glove on for a different sensations.

6. Greet Each Other Lovingly
I like to kiss and hug hello and goodbye. Seizing the moment to kiss goodbye doesn't take much longer than one more red light on your commute. Give that time to the ones you care about and send each other into the world with love.

7. Show You Care
Ask what his favorite things are, then pick something up online or on your way home from work and surprise him. Little things that let him know you are thinking about him can be an instant turn-on. Share your favorites, too. The wonderful thing about kids is you don't have to be subtle, which can be a wake-up call for partners, too. "Mom sure loves lavender soap and long hot baths!"

8. Play With Toys!
Toys aren't just for kids. I love bringing home new goodies from Babeland and "testing" them out. My man loves JimmyJane and Lelo Candles. We light them around the house and their aroma helps us relax and get in the mood. Everyone can enjoy vibrations. I can't wait to try the hugely popular WeVibe II couple's vibrator

9. Keep Lube Handy
I always have 3-4 lubes stashed under my lover's bed, so I can choose whatever type our play calls for. Sliquid Natural is organic, and Flavored Lubes are an excellent addition to oral sex. Also, these specially formulated super natural lubes and oils from Blossom Organics are wonderful and good for you and the earth. Babeland Silicone Lube is wonderful and long lasting, great for sex in the shower or hot tub. Lubettes are great to keep in your purse or bag, so that you have it when you need it.

10. Enjoy!
Appreciate your time with your partner. Even if you are both typing at your respective computers or texting on your smart phones, you can still do items 1-7 on this list every day. You can build intimacy and spark feelings of love even when you are both juggling the everyday demands of living and loving!

Written by Krista for Moms in Babeland.