Photo: TikTok.
By Alexandra Blogier — Written on Jan 26, 2023
There's nothing wrong with being a proud mom of boys — in fact, boys, like all kids, thrive with a loving parent in their lives.
But, there may be a line beyond which a mother's love for her sons goes too far. The exact parameters of that line is being debated across the internet, with many users questioning what role mothers may inadvertently be playing in breeding toxic masculinity.
And one mom on TikTok has found herself at the center of the debate.
This mom says she’s raising her boys to be so 'obsessed' with her that they’ll never want to leave her.
TikTok user isabelthomas23 made a video featuring her two young sons hugging her as she entered the room.
She captioned the video “Mommy’s boys” and said that she’s raising her boys to be “obsessed” with her “so their future wife can’t say they are going to her side for the holidays.”
The post has garnered over 155,000 likes, yet some TikTok users disagree with Izzy’s professed parenting style.
One user made a response video explaining why Izzy’s created narrative could be harmful to her sons and to herself.
“No shade on this creator, just offering a different perspective,” Anette Baumeister claimed in her caption, which included the hashtags #mamabear and #grandma.
“I don’t want to criticize this creator; I get her point and what she’s trying to say,” Anette began her post.
Anette went on to say that she raised her son in a shared custody situation for the first 18 years of his life.
“I don’t ever want him or any of my kids to feel that feeling of being torn between where they should be for the holidays, or anything ever again,” Anette explained.
She offered personal context to her opinion, noting that her son married a woman from the East Coast, while she lives in Idaho.
When her son said that they wanted to live halfway in between both their families, Anette told him not to, but rather to live where his wife’s family is.
“I’m going to support that and if I have to take a backseat on holidays, I’ll take a backseat, for all my kids.”
She noted that she wants to have a good relationship with her kids, but also wants them to be independent of her, which is a healthy boundary to set as a parent.
Other users seemed to agree with this sentiment.
Lisa P. posted her own stitch video in which she said “don’t be the reason your son’s marriage has problems,” along with the hashtags #boymoms and #toxicmotherinlaw.
She cautioned against what Izzy is doing in raising her sons to be “obsessed” with their mom, stating “don’t have a competition between you and your son’s spouse in your mind."
“It’s a fight you will lose, and your son will resent you for,” Lisa continues.
“Putting your son in a position where he has to be the go-between between his mother and his wife is never a position you should be willing to put your child in,” she explains.
She furthers her explanation, saying that putting a child in that position could cause strife with his partner, which could lead to divorce or separation, an “arguably painful and traumatic process nobody wants for their child.”
Lisa addressed Izzy directly, stating, "I love that your son is obsessed with you, that’s wonderful."
"As little children, they need that sense of love and safety," she says. "But as they get older, let them know that it’s okay for them to move on."
Lisa offers advice for Izzy to "try and be welcoming and kind to your daughter-in-law, and maybe you’ll get most of the holidays anyway."
Another 'boy mom' on TikTok highlighted how problematic an attitude like Izzy’s can be for boys who will grow up into men.
"Too many women have this sense of ownership over their sons when in actuality, we’re supposed to be raising them to go out into the world and be on their own," ThatPsychNPChick explained.
“Why would you want your son to be a selfish husband?” she asks.
The debate surrounding the rigid gendering of parenthood isn’t new, but it is something that can cause issues in the relationships kids choose to create outside of their biological families.
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Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers celebrity gossip, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.