7 Things To Do Before Having Sex With Someone New (To Know If You Really Should)

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should you have sex on the first date

Sex is a personal and private matter and not something that someone else can dictate. In fact, no one should have power or influence over your decision as to whether or not you should have sex on the first date, fifth date, or wedding day — not your best friend, your mom, your mentor, or the person you are going to have sex with. Only you can make a decision as to when the time is right for you.

So, should you have sex with someone you're dating if you've only been on one date? Is it better to wait or should you go all the way on the first date? Here are some things to think about, whatever you decide:

1. Make your own decision about whether or not you want to have sex.

There are couples who have sex on the first date and end up in totally healthy, enduring relationships that lead to happy and fulfilling marriages, just as there are people who had sex on the first date and never spoke again. There are couples who waited until they were in a committed relationship and broke up after a few months, and there are couples who don’t have sex and don’t go beyond date eight.

Whatever you are comfortable with is what you should do. Just make sure you make that decision for yourself (and let them do the same).

2. Make sure you bond emotionally before anything happens.

If you want to up your chances of being respected after having sex or remain in a relationship afterward, have emotional intimacy BEFORE physical intimacy. Ask the right questions, get emotionally raw, be authentic and get to know each other on a deeper level. If you pre-qualified effectively first, you’ve already started building that emotionally intimate relationship. 

3. Check your expectations and protect your own emotions.

Communicate your honest expectations before the deed is done. If you're not in it for the same thing, someone is bound to get hurt. Make sure you are on the same page and confirm that you can handle the emotional baggage. 

4. NEVER feel pressured to do ANYTHING

ONLY have sex if YOU really want to have sex. It’s your decision and no one should push you one way or the other.

5. If you decide to have sex, use a condom.

You're just getting started, so play it safe. Remember, this is the first date. If things don't work out, this will give you one less thing to worry about.

6. Avoid regretting your choices.

Once you make your decision, stick with your gut and make sure you aren't second guessing yourself. If you’re going to regret it, don’t do it! If you are wondering "should you have sex on the first date? and you feel like you should stop it, then just stop. But if you enjoyed yourself and were comfortable with your decision to have sex, don't regret that either. 

7. Know that sex doesn't equal a relationship.

If you know that you normally become attached after you have sex, don’t have sex on the first date. So what’s the rhyme and reason? There isn’t one. Sex doesn't mean the same thing to every person, so don't expect a relationship afterward without talking it through with your partner.

Check out Laurel's video below for more information on whether or not you should have sex on your first date with someone:


Laurel House is an international dating coach and author. See her on the reality show on E! called "Famously Single." 

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