I Let The Small Stuff Slide And He Divorced Me — The 10 Things I Missed

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sad woman thinking

It's always the small things.

We fall in love because of the small things. Opening doors. Sweet late-night texts. Post-It love notes on the mirror. You get the picture. Hell, you've "experienced" the picture.

Take it from me: Small things also signal your relationship's slow descent into the abyss. Problem is, in my marriage, I didn't pay attention to those frequent and not-so-subtle warning signs (and you probably aren't either).

I was perfectly content sticking my head in the sand and continuing on as if everything in my marriage was OK. I even managed to shut my gut up when it became suspicious. 

Instead, I trusted my husband and thought for sure that our marriage vows (you know, the sickness and health death-do-us part stuff) would keep us together. That was a huge mistake.

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As I sit filling out financial disclosure forms and a visitation schedule, I thought I'd share some of the obvious-in-hindsight warning signs I totally missed during 10 years of marriage. And while your specifics may be different than mine, that feeling in the pit of your stomach you're probably trying really hard to ignore might be the same:  

1. That time someone ran a red light and crashed into my car ONE block from his office, but he couldn't be bothered to walk out to see if I was OK.

2. That time he bought every single one of my Christmas presents at Walgreens on the drive over to my parents' house for our annual holiday gift-opening extravaganza and feast. (FYI: I got a white board and crappy neck massager.)

3. That ONE time I turned 40 and he bought me nothing. Not even a card. He didn't have the kids make cards or buy gifts from them either.

4. That time he told me he booked our anniversary getaway at a hotel in one of my favorite beach towns, only to find out he picked the beach town I actually hate with every ounce of my being.

5. And how we didn't even have sex during that anniversary getaway.

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6. How he always said "no" every time I asked him to go on a lunch date, even though we were working at home together most days.

7. That time he told me that his work would always come first — before me and before our children. (Can you say narcissist?)

8. That time I was talking to him in the car and he just picked up his cell phone and made a call.

9. All those times he texted while driving with me and the kids in the car, even though I begged him repeatedly not to.

10. Those "find locals" dating apps I found in iTunes that he claimed downloaded with other apps unbeknownest to him. (Later on, it was the app that lets you password protect your photos that should have rung the warning bells.)

I know it seems I'm just bitter. Really, I'm here to help. But seriously, my advice: In marriage, the small stuff is actually the big stuff. So don't blow it off.

Talk it out. Get professional help and try to save your marriage. Before it's too late. 

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Sloane Bradshaw is a writer focused on heartbreak, divorce and relationships.